Red Dog

SoftballPractice 041906 005From earlier in the season, it's Red Dog. Man, what a shitty beer. Really, nothing else to say. it's often the cheapest shit in the liqour store, and with good reason. It sucks. It's Miller's shittiest beer, worse than Milwaukee's Best in terms of drinkability, and just about anything else.

You might recall that my pops was affiliated with Miller by working for the big food company when I was young. Red Dog was introduced in the early 90s, and the company gave all of their employees (or at least the higher level ones) all kinds of Red Dog Schwag. Red Dog pins, Red Dog Hats, Red Dog bumper stickers, even those buttons that light up – the dog had red eyes. I recall getting in trouble for wearing red dog schwag to school, because it promoted beer and I was only 12 at the time.

So yeah, I associate that with Red Dog every time I drink it, which is as few and far between as possible. It ends up showing up at softball every once in a great while.


June 23, 2006 Posted by | Beer Reviews | 1 Comment

Coors Light


Ah, Coors Light, an e-league team and fan favorite.

A) Caused more than one player/fan last night to go "DAMN, THAT BEER IS COLD". This is due to the coldwrap liners on the bottles, and the frost brew liners on the cans. It apparently makes a difference.

B) I'm pretty convinced that we need to get one of those cooler cases down to a softball game sooner or later.

C) Coors is another in a series of goes down easy brews, in the same veign as Bud Light.



June 15, 2006 Posted by | Beer Reviews | Leave a comment

House of Beers vacation edition: Dos Equis (XX)

Cabo San Lucas Mexico May 2006 096

OK, so I just returned from a week long vacation to Mexico last week, and I thought that since we had no new beers at softball last night, I’d hit up the beer queue and see what else was available.

Those of you familiar with Mexico and drink beer (hopefully all of you if you are reading this) know that typically the only beers available are Mexican. (though, the grocery store we went to had a large quantity of Miller High Life 40’s, but strangely, no other American beer).

Cabo San Lucas Mexico May 2006 046

At any rate, I digress. Dos Equis, Modelo (and it’s variants) and of course, Corona are the cheif beers of Mexico. (side note – did you know that Corona is the number 1 imported beer in the United States, even though they only started importing it in 1976, and it only took 10 years to overtake Heniken as the number 1 imported beer? I learned that on this trip to Mexico).

My favorite is Dos Equis (XX) clara, which is the lightest in color and flavor. They also have an amber and a dark version, but those variants are often easier to find in the United States than they are in mexico. Dos XX is just a smooth tasting beer with a distinct flavor. Any time I drink one, it instantly reminds me of Mexico (and some insane drunkenness which we will not get into here). Goes down easy. Drinks best with a slice of lime, in my opinion, though a lemon works too. Leaves you feeling refreshed, yet hankering for more. I can drink a lot of these in one sitting without feeling overly bloated.

The best part about XX is that it is not lame like Corona.

June 8, 2006 Posted by | Beer Reviews | Leave a comment

Bud Light

mmmmm bud light

I'm breaking from tradition (though I would argue that 3 posts can't really count as "tradition" anyway) and reviewing a beer that typically costs above 14 dollars a case. That's ok though, because it's my staple beer. Let me explain what I mean by that.

In this day and age of enlightened microbrewing (see Summit, James Page, or any number of "brew-pubs" popping up in the urban landscape), there still exists a need for a beer that can just be drank with a minimal of fuss. I enjoy the finer beers in life just as much as the next guy (while noting that finer beer for many e-leaguers is a Mich golden light), but I always need a brew around to have a few (or 10) after a particularly hard day at work. Frou Frou beers don't always fit the bill. Instead, the staple beer comes into the picture. Some have called them Macro Brews, or whatever, but I just call it the beer that I revert to when all else fails. Bud Light is that beer for me. It's there when I need it, and there's nearly always a case of it in my fridge. It's at every bar (unless they have some retarded exclusive contract with SAB Miller) and it goes down easy.

I have a few rules for staple beers:

1. It must be available in cans (Heineken Keg cans don't count, sorry. Heinekin violates rule #2 anyway)
2. It must be american – no imports(this one's tough, since Miller is technically owened by a company in another country)
3. It must not leave a sharp aftertaste of any sort
4. It must not cost an arm and and a leg, but doesn't have to (and probably shouldn't) be the cheapest available (varies by region, time of year)

I used to be a company man in the major american brew area – Miller it was. This was back when I first started getting my beer legs. Pops worked for Kraft foods, a division of Phillip Morris (now called some other alltruistic name that escapes me), and at the time they owned Miller. Miller Light or MGD was, at one point, my staple beer. Not any longer. I can barely drink the stuff any longer. I changed over at some point in my early 20s and never looked back. It didn't hurt that pops retired and sold most of his stock, and that Miller was sold to South African Brewing Company. (funny side note: this is the same reason I smoked Marlboro Reds in college, but later switched to Camels-I was such a company man).

Anyway, Bud Light is a beer you will often see me consuming at venues such as Tony Jaro's River Garden or the Northeast Yacht Club. It tastes pratically like water, I can drink a shitload of it, and it doesn't leave me feeling bloated or stuffed.

One drawback to Bud Light – it causes some nasty hangovers if you drink way too much of it. I can start getting those feelings before I even stop being drunk. It sucks. It has something to do with the way it's brewed, but I'll be dammed if I know any of the details.

We ended up with 2 cases of bud light in our softball beer stash last night (ironically, I've now brought beer twice and brought the same beer as the other person, independently, without any planning) and then I had a few at the bar. I woke up at 3 am with a raging headache and that dehydrated feeling. Water and Advil were consumed, however, a strong coffee was also needed this morning. Fucking bud light hangovers.

June 1, 2006 Posted by | Beer Reviews | Leave a comment

Old Milwaukee

This one goes out to Gilde and the Salamanders. Thanks for letting me gank one of these little nasties.

Really, what is there to say about the Old Swil. I don't like this beer. It has a really punget, skunky, shit beer taste. Don't get me wrong, I can appreciate a good shitty beer, this one just ain't it.

It's one of those heavier types of beer too. Reeeeeeeeeal heavy.

It's been a number of years since I've consumed one of these little bad boys, and really, I don't think I'm missing much. This is not a beer that makes many appearances at softball either.

Old Mil is another beer from the Pabst company. We had a debate a few weeks ago on how Pabst is brewed these days. In doing some research, it appears that the Pabst brands are contract brewed at miller plants. Pabst is nothing more than a marketing and distribution company. They have an interesting stable of lowgrade brews, though, including Hamms, which we discussed earlier. They also have Lone Star, Stroh's, Colt 45, and the whole stable of former Heilemans brews, including old style.

I'm sitting here at about 10:00 the following day, and still have a faint aftertaste of this one in my mouth. Or perhaps it's the gray wolf vodka from the greenie that I foolishly consumed last night.

A side note for my fellow eleauguers – I'm really unimpressed with just about every team's staying power at Jaros, with the notable exception of the Bean Counting Bombers. I turned around at 10:00 and was the only green machinist left in the bar. There were still approximately 8 Bean Counters still there. Props to them. The reason I was given is that they pace themselves, while the rest of us are maniacal drunks. This is mostly true.

May 18, 2006 Posted by | Beer Reviews | Leave a comment


From the Land of Sky Blue Waters, it's Hamm's – one of our week 1 brews (the other was Miller Light).

Hamm's is a classic in these parts. Sky Blue Waters refers to the lakes of Minnesota. It was originally brewed in St Paul until the mid 70s. Nowadays, it is brewed by Pabst in Milwaukee.

Hamm's makes regular appearances at our eleague games, and with good reason – it is perfect softball beer.

The best part about Hamm's is that they are too good to have the standard, 24 pack case. No, they have to have the 30 pack, or as Dufek Calls it, "half of an advance on my strikeout beer".

I've always enjoyed Hamm's, purely from the perspective that it goes down so easy, you barely notice you are drinking it. A Classic American Brew. Goes down so easy that you barely notice the extra 6 cans.

I feel good drinking Hamm's too, because of its Minnesota Roots.


Random fact: Hamm's was breifly owned by Olympia Brewery in Washington which also made Olympia Ice – one of the shittiest, most punget ice beers ever. Nowadays both are owened by Pabst.

May 2, 2006 Posted by | Beer Reviews | Leave a comment

Miller High Life Light

Miller High Life is such a heavy beer to begin with. I find a "light" version to be almost ludicrious in terms of actual beer value. You might as well be sucking on a Miller light.

If you're going to stoop to the level of high life, at least get the full flavored stuff. High Life Light is an oxymoron. High Life was meant to be consumed as the original flavor, not some watered down, half baked light version.

So you may be wondering what this is all about. I am going to review one crappy softball beer per week here. Welcome to Chemical Kinney's house of beer.

I'm also trying to figure out why we had glass bottles at softball. This is tabu, a no no, something which often signals a rookie move. No GLASS on the field, please.

April 19, 2006 Posted by | Beer Reviews | Leave a comment